If the etiquette of a wedding seems like uncharted (and unfriendly) seas to you, you may want to find someone to help navigate. For nervous or overworked couples a bridal consultant can be a lifesaver. Consultants can offer simple reassurance. These consultants have seen a lot; they hear a lot. If there’s something you want to do, a consultant is going to know how to do it. Almost anything can be accommodated in a tasteful way.

Wedding coordinators and professional consultants can provide valuable assistance in a busy world where brides and their moms often work full time. Professional consultants will match couples with the appropriate vendors taking into consideration style, budget, and personality. They have resources at their fingertips that you might spend weeks or months tracking down on your own. It can take a bride working solo a couple of hundred hours to put together a wedding longer if the wedding will be extended over two or three days. If this doesn’t sound feasible, a consultant may be just what you need.

The consultant is there to answer your questions and calm your fears. Most have seen hundreds of weddings and have a pretty good idea of which rules of etiquette can be relaxed and which have a serious reason for being left in place. A good consultant should be up on traditional etiquette as well as the meaning behind the rules, and know how to make them fit with your lifestyle. Many coordinators will give advice not only before the day but during it as well, attending the wedding to help make sure your day goes as smoothly as possible.

How to Find a Bridal Consultant?
Some ceremony/reception sites have bridal consultants on staff to help you. They work only at their place of employment and recommend the vendors they know best. Couples seeking more creative touches may prefer to find their own independent consultant.
There are several ways to go about this. One is to attend a bridal expo or fair and meet some consultants at their booths. Another is to look in the yellow pages, or contact the Association of Bridal Consultants at 860-355-0464. You can also call another organization, June Wedding, Inc. at 702-474-9558. The best method of all is word of mouth. Do you know someone who married recently, with the help of a consultant or coordinator? If that couple was pleased, there’s a good chance you might be, too. No matter how good the references are, however, make sure you do plenty of interviewing before you choose one.

When meeting with a potential consultant, ask the following questions:

1. Do you work full time or part time?
2. Have you been trained and do you maintain active membership in wedding organizations?
3. How long have you been in business?
4. Can I get references? (Check for vendor references, also.)
5. Could you explain the services offered in the contract?
6. How is payment arranged: hourly, flat fee, or a percentage?
7. Are expenses included in your fee (telephone, gas, mileage)?
8. Are you independent? (A consultant who also sells bridal products or services or who has a commission arrangement with vendors may not be completely objective.)
9. Which specific services are offered? (Some consultants may handle every detail; others may not be quite as accommodating.)

You should interview as many consultants as your schedule and stamina permits. It’s not just about finding someone with the right technical knowledge. You’ve got to like the person. Here’s what to look for:

• A consultant with lots of resources and connections
• Good references (from both vendors and past clients)
• A consultant who doesn’t just push her idea of the perfect wedding but who listens to yours (Though if a consultant has a very distinctive or signature style, and you know that’s exactly what you want, go for it.)
• A consultant who is liked and respected by your florist, banquet manager, and others connected to the wedding. (They work with these people all the time and know who’s talented and organized.)

What’s It Going To Cost?
When interviewing a consultant, be sure to discuss fees and understand the contract. Consultant’s costs can really run the gamut. Some offer package rates, meaning you pay a flat fee. Others charge an hourly rate based on face-to-face meetings, phone, and e-mail time with you. Understand what it is you are getting for that money. Will the consultant be keeping track of wedding invitation responses? Finding a florist? Attending your wedding? If an hourly fee is being proposed, try to get an idea of how many hours the consultant is imagining you will need to spend with her to do the things you want. Remember, besides saving you time and effort, a consultant can sometimes save you money as well, either through discounts or simply by being savvy enough to know where to go for the best price.

Find out how the consultant wants to be paid. Many ask for a certain amount down at the signing of the contract and the rest later. Most couples find it easiest to pay as they go, with monthly bills that are more manageable than a lump sum.

When You Should Call the Bridal Consultant?
Not everyone dials the bridal consultant right after their fiancé hands them the engagement ring, but some do. (Others call their mothers first and the consultants immediately after!) You can find a professional consultant to walk you through the entire planning process, and through the wedding and reception itself, right up to the time you leave the reception. (There’s probably no need to take the consultant along on your honeymoon.) If this is more personal attention than you need, arrange to have less. Fees can be tailored to the exact amount of coverage and assistance you need.

For the couple who needs only one or two sessions with a consultant for reassurance, advice, and a few resources, the best bet is to find someone who will work for an hourly fee. Some couples like to see their consultant for an hour once a month, like a monthly checkup at the doctor’s. This keeps them on track while still leaving them in charge of most of the legwork.

Occasionally consultants see couples who have done all the planning and arranging themselves and who are now ready to step back and enjoy their day. They don’t want to end up playing the role of wedding consultant on the actual day of their wedding, so they call in a professional, usually about a month before the big date. As the couple heads into the home stretch, hiring a professional to put the finishing touches on the wedding and steer it to its completion can be a real relief!

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